enter smALLviLLe...

another..

2008-11-06T19:41:00.003+08:00

another day at the office..i'm focused, several projects need to be done. but then it all goes back to her. everything. i'm hungrily (literally) typing away to express my emotions. the acids creep up despite of me having eaten a lunch good for three days. i'm constantly reminded. that it's never going to be enough. i need.

Pandora's box

2008-10-30T18:47:00.004+08:00

i feel nothing. my head's blank, save for one lingering thought. why do i feel this way? why?? i've read all my previous posts looking for some answers from the person that i used to be. the person that always seem to know what he was doing. a person in control of things even though he wouldn't admit it. i've grown tired and weary of how things are going. of how things went. but why do i feel this way? i'm caught in a crossroad that isn't even there, doesn't even exist.

i'm listening to sugarfree right now. i'm desperately searching for answers in all the wrong places. answers that i don't know if i want to find in the first place. i've given up, tried, given up and tried again. why? it's a cycle i can't seem to break. my mind is in an endless loop. pausing from time to time but never stopping. i don't want to do this anymore but it seems i have been holding back. maybe i've known of the answer all along. maybe i was just fooling myself. she stands at the middle of everything and i'm the man on the side. i don't know what to do anymore.

what was i expecting? what was i trying to prove? i came knowing what was going to happen. but still i left surprised. i left confused. i left with nothing. not even a hint of what to do next. i knew all these but still i think. still i miss. still i..

im a writer, but never did i felt this passionate about it. for once i can say that there was time in my life when i felt really compelled to write.

i never meant it to be this way. i vowed to make a change. i vowed to learn. i vowed i would make it different this time. and to change i did. to learn i did. to make it different i did. but it added up the same. what do i need to do? what else could i have done?i was right there in my element. i was true. i was inside this incorruptable sphere. but still...

im freezing my hands off as im typing this. the aircon's way too cold. i got caught watching Heroes during office hours. im giving out advices to someone i don't even know. i don't want to be cold. i don't want to be a hero either. i give out lame advices because i can't follow them myself. i need guidance..i need a way..

no one reads my blogs but still i feel like hiding behind my metaphors, similes and all the different grammar devices that i don't even remember how to define. Yes Pare, i know where the key is but i don't know what to do with it. i've lost my sensitivities, i got used to a clean slate, i forgot i know how to paint. I'm at a standstill. I don't know which direction to proceed.

somebody..save me..tonight..

its been a while..again...

2006-09-21T18:43:00.000+08:00

grbe ung mga ngyri dis past few wiks...prng series of unfortunate events...at list pra skin..hehe...cnt into details kc mrming involved...as in about half of d class...hehe...but everything has been a learning experience tlga...mrming taong nsktan...my mga ntuwa...my mga ngkglit..my mga nwlan ng tiwala...fortunately now aus ndin ang lhat...bati na ang lhat..(i hope..hehe)

minsan tlga iba mgtest c Bosing ng faith m s knya...aftr everything dat happened cguro d most imprtant leson for me is dat no matter wat hapens, stick to wat is ryt..i mean most of kc beliv dat aftr nating gumwa ng something good...something na makaka2long sa ibang tao...unconsciously we expect na something gud will also hapen to us....tpos pag ngkataong hindi mgnda ung ngyri stin we tend to think na sna pla d nlng ntin gnwa ung tama...anyway d rin pla mgnda ung mngyyri stin in return...sna pla d q nlng xa tinulungan....or sna pla d q nlng aqu ngbgay ng effort...mga gnon...pro its God's way to test kng nniwala ba tlga tau s knya or are we doing d ryt things jst bcoz we expect something in return...not dat ders no guarantee na bbgyan Niya tau ng something na deserve ntin...der always is...but the key here is to jst w8...w8 in d sense na khit mgsunod sunod ung kmalalasan sa buhay ntin eh dpat mgkaron lng tau ng faith na hindi un result nung ginawa nting mabuti but a test of patience and principles...kya dpt we shud continue doing wat is ryt...i know mrming mgdidisagree skin....ssbhin nila "wla k sa posisyon ko!" or "d mo alam kng gno kskit!!" beliv me i know...kya nga nssbi q 2 eh...mrming beses q nrin naicip kng bkit prting d mgnda ung mga ngyyri skin...is it bcoz hindi tama ung mga gngwa q., which no matter how i think about it eh i still firmly beliv na tama cla..is it bcoz kelngan q tlga gmwa ng mali pra lng mging msya...mga gnon....but now, after another bad experience, lalo lng nbuild ung trust q kay God...ung trust na khit gno ka nhi2rapan ngaun u shouldn't giv up on your principles simply bcoz it seems dey don't work...if u firmly beliv dat dey are ryt, then by all means stick to them....

Ung post q ngaun alam q wlang kwnta...prng random thoughts lng..ang pangit nga eh...hehe..but dats how i fil at dis moment eh...ewan q bat un naiicip q...

WOAH!!astig d q akalaing mgpo2st p q uli!!!!!tnx shiela!!!!hehehe....

2006-09-08T13:27:00.000+08:00

after a super-long time na hindi aqu ngpost finaly ngkagana na q uli...xmpre tnx kay shiela sa pgre2vive as stone-age look ng blog q...hehe...ang gling kkrealize lng nmin nila shiela at denise (mga 5 sec ago) na sktong 3 mos n pla ung lst entry q...bday pa ni jyc...grbe ang tgal na...

ang abnoy q nman kng lhat ng events for d last 3 mos eh maaala2 q pa db..pro prng d events...nd revelations...dis past few days prng mas mdmi pa kc dun sa 3 mos...hehe...ung mga ngyri were both surprising and at the same time eh..."lesson-filled"...at least pra skin..cguro for lack of a better term...or a positive term...kya "lesson-filled"....not that they wern't...its just that....ah....whatever....bkt q b ineexplain ung cnbi q db..pra nmang my mggwa ung mamba2sa..hehe...

my ust tropa is going thru a lot ryt now...at least mga selected na tao..its really sad but i guess we must go thru this..yeh..that includes me...big time...hehe..pro xmpre mttpos din ang lhat...khit na ang mga bgay na di nagumpisa...

mlapit na ang sembreak..pro nsa eve na kmi ng hell month sa sbrng dmi ng mga ggwin...halos lhat ng finals nmin eh hndi written...mga tipong thesis effect..ppnsin mga subjct nmin eh...

=metaphorica=

i ate up the last piece of cake my mother left for me in the table...it was already 1am and i was dead tired..but i gues i was jst too hungry not 2 eat..i hadn't eaten for the last 6 hours and the acids were creeping up from my stomach...at one point i thought i heard a faint voice telling me 2 eat..haha..i was hallucinating na..as much as i didn't want 2 eat anym0re because i was afraid i wouldn't be able 2 sleep (based from experience), i got a spoon and a small platter, put on smallville and ate to my heart's desire..to my surprise, i managed to finish the DVD, as well as the whole cake...then i finally went 2 my room to take my long overdued slumber....but jst as i thought i was going to have a successful sleep, jst as i was leaving reality.....a loud ring broke thru the d otherwise ear-deafening silence....i glanced at my bedside clock...it was already 4am....for the next 2 hours i tried to regain my lost peace, but to no avail....as for the loud ring, i never actualy knew what it was...i didn't even knew if it really came from something or jst from my imagination....but now....i know better than to eat too much..cake

after 1 month and 8 days..hapy bday JYC

2006-06-08T15:07:00.000+08:00

wohoi mkkpgupd8 nqu sa wkas..hehe....1st of ol haaaaaaaaappppppppppppyyyyyyyyyyyyy bday JOYCE!!!!aiun...hehe..may u hav mor bdays 2 com...yuck ang corny ng msg orig na orig...hehe...bsta d2 lng kmi kng gs2 m ng ksma sa pgce2celbr8t m s psukan...wahahehehehe jokz...

mdming ngyri actualy eh nung mga arw na d aqu ngpo2st...kso nklimutan q na ung iba eh...hehe...isa dun eh ngchampion kmi..hehe...sa sectoral bnd comptition ng yfc...hmmm...anu pb...umalis na c pekto at ronn ppntang uk...ampness..eh gnon tlga ang buhay...mami2zz nmin ang bhay nio..hehehe...hmmm....nkpgenroll n kming lhat at as far as i knw eh wla nmang cnawing plad na mpalipat ng section...khit na mjo ndala kmi sa acting ni jacq...hehe...ngswiming pla kmi!!sa anc...upload q na lng sa grups ung mga pics guys....hehe...

ngbaguio pla kmi ng famly..stig ang ukay2 dun d best...shoping 2 d max khit d mxado mlamig at sangkaterba ang tao...

=metaphorica=
*mbuti nlng ngpalit na q ng tsinelas...nputol na kc...kso fav q un kya d q maitapon...bgay kc ni momy...kso no choice na tlga q kay aiun..hehe...my bgo qng tsinelas..stig havaianas...kso bngyan din aqu ng dad q nike nman...anu ggmitin q db?eh kmsta nman prho clang astig...un ung prob q ngaun...d q alam kng alin ung issuot q...ang presure kc pg pnili q ung isa...cgurado ku2nin ni kua ung isa at aarborin...kya dpt ung 3p q tlga ung piliin q...haaay...*

waaaaaaaaaaaah lpit na psukan...anak ng jebs ayw q pa pmsok....khit btugan lng aqu d2 sa bhay mas ok na un....hehe....pro miz q na ang mga tropa kya ok nrin...hehe....2loy ang lgaya mga kakosa...

GOD rocks!!!GOD rocks hard!!!!

2006-05-01T10:30:00.000+08:00

yeh!!!!!d camp was a big success!!!!considering na 1st tym na chapter camp at 1st tym q rin mg team lead!!hehe...basta ang lufet ni Bosing...He made everythin work khit n dun sa mga tyms na ngkkprob na...wla dpt sound sys ngkaron bgla...tpos basta ang dmi pa...lhat ngcooperate ang gling tlga...pro ang pinakasuccess sa lhat ung reaction ng mga participants..we somehow managed to make them reevaluate the way they think bout God in a span of three days..grbe sbrng touching tlga...haayy..hehe..ol d missed gimicks..d sleepless nyts...d preparations...d break dance sessions...huh?hehe...it was all worth it sobra....ang gling tlga... :D

pro it doesnt min na wlang negatives...pro ung negatives nging postive prin eh...hehe...1st tym nmin ngkglit ni kalai...d nga q mpkali ng sat nyt habang nsa camp eh..thnkfully naaus din nmin ng sundy morning..ngaun mas stronger na ung frndship :D...

anu pa ba..hmmm....nmi2zz q na 2loy ang mga tropapips sa uste at d2 sa laguna..huhuhu...yaan nio cguro mkksma naqu sainyo ngaun!!!hehe...

bout dun ?? dun sa post q sa freedom wall nung camp.....bhala na c Bosing dun...ung camp nga nging sucesful un p kya?hehe...

bsta i rily fil gud ngaun...everythins going great...i just pray everybidy i know fils d same way..if ot...sna mging ok na watever probs ur all facing ryt now..just trust Him no mater how hard and hopeless ur situation seems...naku prng my hang over pa q dun sa mga talks nung camp ah..hehe....pro 22o lhat un... :D

whew..

2006-04-26T18:48:00.000+08:00

sakto plang 1 wik na q d naguupd8...wla lng dmi rin kcing gngwa kya la rin tym...sa friday na ung youth camp nmin!!!haay sna nman wlang mging prob...Fyi lng po kc dats wats been keeping me bc for d past weeks..grbe d na nga q nkksama sa mga gmik ng tropa...but i knw its all worth it...its 4 Him nman so aus lng =D..

nmimiz q lng kc ang mga tao..dpat nga my get togther kla imz ngaun pro sbi ni charles niresked nia dw pra mrming mkpnta..tnx bro!!!hehe...

anu ba mga ngyri...hmm...ngsportsfest ung yfc last sat at wla khit isa sa 3 events na sinalihan q ang nanalo aqu..wahaha...actualy na2lo kmi sa bball seniors kso nadisqualify kmi kc ung 2 players nmin wlang birth cert...eh kng d cla nglaro talo rin nman kmi kc 5 lng kmi sakto!!!hehe...grbe nrmdaman qng kelangan q n tlga magexercise uli kc mga ilang blikan plang eh hingal kabyo na q...tsktsk...tpos aun dhil hndi q pnigilan ang d legal na pngyyring un eh nbd3p q ang mga heads q dhil cluster nmin ang cmmttee sa bball...pro mas nbd3p tlga q sa srili q...alam na ni vet un kng bkit...speaking of....sbrng tnx tlga...sakto ang twag m at kelangan q tlga ng kausap nung mga pnhong un...dalas q mgbgay ng advice sa lhat pro pag aqu minsan nkkrukrung krung din...hehehe...at dhil nga bd3p aqu nun...ung outing nmin na right after sportsfest (as in d same day kya pguran) eh d q naenjoy...npglitan pa q ng dad q after kc d tlga q nun...alam qng thimik lng tlga aqung tao (wahaha) pro d nman gnon kthimik...kso sadyang bd3p aqu nun..pro tma xa kc minsan lng nman nmin mksma ung mga relativs nmin..eh tpos aqu pa ung usually msaya kya lhat cla naworry q nung thimik lng aqu...(d kc cla msaya pag wla aqu eh...hehehehe himirit pa eh noh?)...auin...pro ngaun im bak to my normal timid and quiet self (whahaha2x) tnx din kay Bosing kc pngpray q un eh...

as of now tlgang ung camp lngung mdyo inaaala2 q...sna rin my gmik pa uli tau pra mksama nman aqu...hehe...dmi q na kc nami2z...ng sbra...hahaha =)

ayan mdyo mhba n...kc bka ung nxt post q mtgalan uli eh..hehe...

outing kuno...

2006-04-19T08:06:00.000+08:00

d n2loy ang outing nmin..haaay...wlang transpo..knti na lng ung sa2ma...dble my approxmtely 1 month and 3 wiks pang baksyon so mrmi pang tym pra mgplan uli..only dis tym d na q mgppplan..sma na lng aqu..hehe

tgal q na pla d nguupdate..wla lng tntmad aqu eh..pro it doesnt min wla aqu mxado gnwa...1st tym q mg team leader ng yfc camp nmin so mdyo hectic aqu ngaun..actualy d un mdyo pro aus lng...kumpara sa mga gngawa nmin sa skul eh kulangot lng 2..hehe...tska pra nman kay Bosing to kya it honestly feels gud..excyted na nga q sa camp (aprl 28-30)...wag lng sna mgkaron ng prob..

gumimik cla joyce, imee, charles, kay at jacq kgbi..at ksma pa ang mga pngpipitagang mga propesor (ugh..cough..sniff..) na cna sir baccay at coronacion..hehe...muka nmang aus cla, d q pa cla nkkamustah at 2log pa cla sa mga oras na 2...kla charles ata cla n2log..aqu ang d ok kc gs2 q sma2..wahaha..pro okie lng ang lpit q nman kc eh...hehe..mrmi pa nmang pnahon...gmmik kau uli!!sma na q pramis!!hehe...

miz q na ang mga tao..=D

walkman..wOohOo

2006-04-11T01:25:00.000+08:00

mdyo mtgal na pla ung lst post q...bd3p kc ninenok ung fone cable sa strt nmin kya disconnectd kmi sa mundo mga 3 days..

its 1:40 am and iv yet to have a good night's slip for about a week but im very happy ryt now bcoz of d ff rizons..
1. DL aqu ulit!!wOohOo...kpit sa ptlim!!!wahaha
2. my fne na uli kmi..
3. nood kming ice age knina tpos chill out kla imz...ang best part being my nasakyan pa q pauwi..hehe..
4. mdyo nagkaron na ng kausan tngkol sa outing..venue na lng mga tol!!!hehe
5. my acoustic guitar na kmi..courtesy of my bro..

dmi noh?mrmi pa yan pro xmpre d pede ilagay lhat..wahaha...

lets pray for the soul of Jun Marasigan, Roy's dad..may he rest in peace and be one with God..kya mu yan bro..d2 lng trpa..

nxt tym na ung iba nkalimutan q na ata..an2k na q,yehey..

season 5..

2006-04-06T19:24:00.000+08:00

im sick..migraine nd stomach ache..felling lyk iv bin run over by somthin..damn..

tae..

2006-03-31T19:55:00.000+08:00

ampness langya ung pgkkfeature nmin sa wzzup2 grbe dnaanan lng kmi nung cam d pa nga ata nkita ung mga mukha nmin!!!hahaha...pro sbi ng tita q gnun lng tlga sa cmula so mdyo ok na q...wahahaha..ang tgal nmin kinuknan nung mktg nyt kala q nman mdyo mtgal ung ppkitang clip..hehe

anyways d2 q sa cuz q s dasma ngaun...wla lng chill lng...

ghe kain na kmi..

income tax...

2006-03-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

khai happy graduation..=) tma k mddgdgan nnman ang labor force..hehe...

maaga q n2log kgbi..yeah..kso 12:15 na ngaun so puyat nnman aqu..hehe...ok lng...namizz q rin kausap sa fne c khai..

recognition ng lil sis q knina..lufet #2 xa sa buong gr4..stig..mas stig kc my ice cream..haha...

wooo grbe summer n tlga SBRANG INIT!!!aircon tlga ang bestfriend q ngaun...

la aqu maicip...mdyo tntmad aqu mgupd8t....joyce d me mrunong mglgay ng tag board..hehe...

gig...

2006-03-26T21:36:00.000+08:00

haoson hapy bday..libre mo kmi sa outing..hehe..speaking of outing wla aqng mhanap na mura...kc peak season na so mhal n tlga ang mga resorts d2 sa laguna lalo na pag ovrnyt..sna mkpgouting na tau guys..kng mron kau alm khit d na d2 s lguna ok lng...(aqu lng nman ung mlau at mhi2rapan...wahaha)..

woke up at around 8..my prktis kc kmi knina for our gig 2m...grbe ngaun lng kmi ngprktis ng lhat kya aiun hul day at maga na ang mga dliri q sa pggtra...sna mk22g2g pa q bks...

m22log aqu ng maaga..dpt msimulan na ang pgi2ng healthy...sna lng....

summer...time..

2006-03-25T21:10:00.000+08:00

2nd yr's over..dats as smple as it cud get...hehe...no more bio..no more stat...no more l8ts 4 me..yeh...hehe...slept almost 14 hrs lst nyt, after coming hme frm our ovrnyt at kay's..before going to her house we went swimming at a nearby pool (me, kay, joyce, imee, charles, and jade) we had a great tym, wid d girls turning d pool into a background for their photo shoot..we left at about 7, made a quick stop at a convenience store, and finally went to kay's..coolness is d word for our simple get together..

we left kay's house at about 11 am..i went back 2 ust wid kay and joyce to help dem clean out their locker..kay had an "appointment" and joyce went home...i waited for jade and vet coz we planned to get our teeth cleaned and fixed at the health service...whole waiting at d lobby der was dis wierd girl talking to everyone and telling strange things...to cut it short vet and i had to go down to the main lobby to get away from her while waiting for jade hu by then was already in the OR...afterwards vet met up wid myk and i had my turn wid d dentist then went home..totally wasted...

_______

today's anoder day...d gutiar's lacking anoder string..the piano off wid a key...
d drumstick's broken..d mic's grounded..
dey wer all new..d band continues..d studio still open...

superman nga b..

2006-03-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

tpos na ang finals sa theo....yeh...un cguro ang pnkamgndang ngyri sa arw na 2...bti na lng mdyo mdli lng ung exm...cguro naawa lng tlga c sir agui samin...bti nman...

ay mron pa plng mgndang ngyri...wla ng bio for d rest of our college life!!!!!oh yeah!!!!!kso mukng my blak p uli kming hawakan ni sir ..psych nman dw xa...ano bng mron ang 2jrn3 at gs2ng gs2 nia??prti na nga xa tinitra labs prin nia kmi....heheehehehe....

c mam filip tumakas...ung yellow cab nmin!!!!!

puyat2 nnman aqu kgbi...d aqu mk2log ewn q b..kmsta nman 3 na q nk2log..nkkbd3p na nga eh..pg mlpit na tlga exams gn2 q d 2loy aqu mkpgaral ng mtino...sna mk2log aqu sa wikend...hehe

guyz gudlak stin sa finals..Godbless!!!kya ntin 2..whahaha...

-----

c superman nklimutan na kung pno lumipad..kya cnbi nia kay batman...tpos unti2 na xa ulit lumulutang...tpos nklipad na xa...yehey....kso d pa xa mxado mtaas (nsa troposphere pa lng ata xa), ntkot na xa kc prng ba2gsak xa..ilang beses na kc xang bmgsak...naospital pa nga xa nun eh,nafracture kc ung pectoral muscles nia..superman nga ba xa eh tkot nman xa lumipad??teka..kelan nga ba xa nkalipad ng mtaas??d pa ata...haay...

pinsan ni maverick....

2006-03-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

hi..hehe

nagcmula ung araw na 2 d tlga aus eh...bti na lng nging ok..hehe
d ata aqu nk2log kgbi...skit ng ulo q knina sbra pgpsok..dpat kc n2log n tlga q khpon kso...haaay imee...hehe..ewan q b..

wel after ng class ng sm north kmi..la lng...3p 3p..tpos ng picturan tpos gumala tpos kinuha na ung mga pics tpos umwi...c vet d suma2 abnoy...hehe...ok lng...naiintindihan q..aqu p?hehe....

jade tigilan mu na ang pag kanta sakin...iuumpog kita sa pader!!!hehehehe..

ooh baby i luv ur way.....

2006-03-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

im feelin lyk sh*t now...i mean my body is really aching coz i lifted weights yesterday...well actually its bin 3 weeks since i last exercised so it's normal really...but i still feel lyk shi*t....hehe...anyways...i slept late again last nyt...so much for my "fitness regimen"..hehe...its was all efren's fault...efren "bata" reyes dat is..hehe...he had a game last nyt and i just can't get myself to miss it...fortunately...he won!!!!whew...at least my effort to stay up wasn't in vain...hehe...

well nothing much happened yesterday..i was a little bit surprised because i read chapter 17 already!!for dos hu don't know me well it isn't in my nature to study days ahead..at least not anymore..hehe..i was able to do that for at least a sem (1st yr, 1st sem)..after that though i began to be myself again...hehehe...

ill be leaving later..as always..coz i have a practice with my band...we have a gig on d 24th it is going to be a party for sophomore management studs from St.Scho...i think it will be in Ibarra's Garden, along Faura St. in Malate..

can't wait for monday...i wonder why.....

ei yow..

2006-03-10T17:44:00.000+08:00

ders always a first db??hehehe...tntamad na q magnet kya naicipan q na mgblog...hehehe...kng gs2 nio q bgyan ng tips mas aus!!!!hehe...ahm...anu b...ang weird kc dti nangengealam lng aqu sa blog ng my blog eh...hehe..aun lng muna..tska na ung iba..unti2 na q nauupdate sa kslukuyang mga uso patungkol sa mga gnitong bgay..cOoL..